Phoebe King
Out of Character: Backstory
"I was twelve at my first World Fair, in London 1851. The wonders contained there, the world's greatest minds at the time and their creations, their works, lit a spark. My imagination grew in ways I could hardly believe, and I began to pour that creative energy into a number of projects in the hopes that one day I, too, could be presented at the World Fair as a great mind of the century. I drifted from projects in literature and poetry to drafting blueprints of devices I had written about, but they were... based on the fiction, concocted by a child's imagination. I persisted for years... Nothing ever worked how I had envisioned it would. I was disappointed... And desperate. I wanted something to work as I dreamed it should... But nothing ever did."
"But I did not give up; I had inherited a strong sense of determination from my father, a self-made man. It was very unfortunate that the role of the fairer sex in my time was to keep a home and to be an object for admiration and nothing more. Women with minds were not shunned, but a woman is expected to keep her opinion privately, and we are subject only to whimsical theories. I did not help shift that opinion, and, worse, I expressed my theories without being asked. I spent a fair amount of time searching for a means to make my theories function like they were supposed to, to prove them so that gentlemen like my father would take me seriously. I was sixteen and uncourted; my father was more concerned with attempting to tie our new money family to an old money one, and I made that endeavor almost impossible. Similarly, my mother was a lady. She did what she was told, she was educated in what she was supposed to be educated in and she was courteous and genteel. She wished I would be a lady like her. I disappointed her."
"But I found what I needed. All it took was determination and the faith that the answer was out there. Instead of displaying the proof of my theories, instead of creating the devices of my imagination and broadcasting the wonders that were dreams given reality... I let the gentlemen of the decade return to their own projects and I returned to writing fiction; they were not ready and I was content to let them seep in their ignorance until they were better prepared for the truth of my stories. Because that was what I did -I put my theories and fantastical creations into my stories; if there were no minds who could grasp the breadth of my theories in this era, they could live on in my stories and could be grasped by future generations, like Carroll and his Looking Glass."
"As I created elaborate tales in which to explain the various theories I had in various areas of study, I also sought to educate myself in fields women of my time were not traditionally allowed to learn. I sought to explore the sciences and mechanical constructs more intimately because they played a part in my theories. I learned complex functions with numbers... The right book is an amazing thing for a mind. I taught myself whatever I could and funneled it into my stories, so that others could learn without realizing they were doing so. I was twenty when my first was actually published -it is one thing to write a story posed as fiction, and another to have it published, even as fiction. I was twenty-one when someone realized what I had done."
"A group called the Technocratic Union, formerly known as the Order of Reason until, well, recently at the time -I learned the group's name much later after the fact- discovered and understood what I had hidden within my works of fiction. They... discerned my identity, as I had published under a penname, and they came to my home to interrogate myself and my family. It was an intimidating experience because the individuals I spoke with felt threatened by my realizations, as some of their own had had similar theories and yet I was not one of them. I told them little to explain the matter, and in retaliation they pulled my writings from print, burned whatever printed versions they could find and they destroyed my notes on all of my theories and projects."
"They... arrested me for my 'heretical' writings, but they had destroyed all of their proof and thus could do nothing more to me. However, the social damage had been done; my family as a whole was shunned by the high society, which ruined my father's hopes of marrying into an old money family, not that I had helped that before -I was twenty-one at the time, and very few gentlemen had shown any interest in courting me for long, because I loved to speak about my theories and designs, and very few were interested in a woman who spoke of more complex things than tea and manners. Twenty-one and unwed, it had already seemed impossible for my father to have his wish; this simply affirmed that. My family was upset and disappointed in me, as I was the cause of this misfortune that befell them."
"Upset about the events and my family's reaction, I traveled to America to escape them and to try to rebuild my notes in peace. While rebuilding lost notes is much simpler than discovering the theories in the first place, it was a time-consuming task. Unfortunately, this was interrupted a few months later by the chaos of the fighting in America -they fought over whether slaves were people or property, a conflict I have never truly understood... We had abolished slavery in England much earlier. The growing conflict and danger prompted a premature return overseas, but instead of facing my family at home, I traveled to Ireland, and there I found a whole new world beyond our own. That... that is where I met Carys and Aislin."
"Carys quickly became my best friend, and I visited her often over the following months as I continued to try to rebuild my collection of notes. She would sometimes drag me from my home to take me on wild, whirlwind adventures across the realm of her home, exposing me to countless wonders. It would seem, however, that all good things must come to an end, even if only temporarily; it was perhaps a year and a half after I had left home that my father fell ill and was on his deathbed. My mother wrote to insist I return home to see him... She was almost certain it was shame and disappointment that were the causes of his mysterious illness. I was not quite as certain; my mother had, in passing, mentioned that the gentlemen whom had interrogated and arrested me previously had visited recently to extend their apologies to my family, but I suspected their intentions had differed; I had not been there and so I could only infer from what I was told."
"My father passed a month after I returned home, and I sought to escape back to brighter Ireland for the customary year and a day of mourning to be done in private, away from my mother who blamed me. Death terrified many people in my day; the consistent rise of conflict reminded us all that we are simply mortal, and that our mortal bodies will fail us in one way or another as time progresses, either through injury or illness. Still grieving for my father's passing, and perhaps out of vanity, I independently followed the example of other theorists and philosophers of my era and sought the truth of immorality; the only true difference between the others and myself was that I knew it was possible -I was a friend to several faeries, and from what I had gathered, some faeries naturally possessed longevity and an agelessness as parts of their blood."
"Through tests and deductions, I surmised that it was not a genetic quality but simply a factor of their surreal nature. Experimentation with the reactions of the blood to certain materials allowed me to discern a possible source, which I replicated by manipulating my own blood -outside the body- and injecting it back into the body... It self-replicated, much like some types of poison, to 'infect' the entirety of my system. Thus... Here I am. Fifty three years old, but not a day past twenty three. It... was a complicated series of events; however, Carys was excited about the prospect of sharing her eternity, and she helped a great deal. She was very perceptive. Unfortunately, Carys did not have the eternity she had thought she had; this does not prevent one from dying through injury, only age..."
"I apologize. We will... return to that in a moment. A-apart from working on the solution to the question of eternal youth, I became involved in Carys' world through my association with her. There... was an intricate political system within her community that was... essentially a race-based monarchy. Carys was the private tutor of the princess of the region, Aislin, and she was also a guardian of a more complex nature to the realm in which she resided. Because of my relationship with both Carys and her charge, I was relatively well-received, but I was always an outsider. I was allowed to linger because of the princess' interest; she had never been allowed to interact with mortals, and often not even peasant fae. However, the fae are alien; they mimicked humanity, but their motivations were often difficult to discern. They were often violent with other kingdoms, or fiefdoms; I do not recall what exactly they called their communities. I even helped shelter Aislin more than once, despite my own weak disposition toward all things violent in nature."
"I spent much time with these fae, and... eventually I developed... more intimate feelings for Carys as our time together lengthened, but it was she who declared love first; it was an evening of one of the dukes' parties for special favor with the Lady, of the sort I was never allowed to attend, four years or so after we had met, and it began with a kiss. Carys had always taken me on wonderful adventures through her world, searching for lost treasures, learning about plants, animals and concepts I had only dreamed of that existed there... But I believe I loved the adventure we began then most of all. It was not normal then, for two women to love one another and to express it as openly as we did; there was no constant contact, but there were words, looks... subtle things that made it known where our hearts lie."
"I lost her two years later. I... I'm sorry, please forgive me. It is still a tender subject... The... The kingdom was under assault late in the evening in the Spring of 1868, and Carys was insistent that she fulfill her duty as guardian, despite my lack of willingness to leave her. She placed young Aislin's escape and health into my care so that I had no choice, and just as my young charge and I were leaving their world to return to mine, we were knocked back with significant force as the world went blindingly white, and when my vision cleared I had a deep and profound understanding that Carys was... was lost to me. I hadn't even said I loved her. I... Could you excuse me for a moment?"
"... My apologies. I... Let us pick up after the young lady was returned to her world; I found I could not convince myself to return there, and so I settled down in England once more for a time. It was difficult to motivate myself for a while after I lost... After the incident, and so I took to traveling in order to broaden my educational horizons. I spent some time in Eastern Asia learning to cope with my emotions in a manner that was less about restraint and more about discipline by studying Buddhism academically, and yet I found myself drawing closer and closer to a number of their teachings as I sought not only peace with myself and with my losses, but also with my abilities that had grown so much when cultured by the fae and yet they made me seem so out of place and foreign in my own world. I was out of balance, and my education during my travels helped me achieve the state that was once lost."
"I spent the next few decades moving from place to place, learning what there was to learn, creating what I felt inspired to create -which was not as much as I had hoped I would one day create. I eventually found myself in the United States once more, and I explored new places and the variety of terrain the country had to offer when I felt lonely. I often felt lonely, for I was odd to most due to my time with the fae, and I was starkly aware of the temporary nature of mortality and the extent of what I had done to myself; for fear of death when my father had died, and for a subconscious desire to share an eternity with the one I now feel I had always loved, I had alienated myself from my own kind, subjected myself to the cycle of hope, attachment, pain and loss that came with existing for longer than everyone one holds dear. I never developed another romantic relationship, I did not have the heart to put into it. I did have friends, and I loved them and I mourned them when I had to leave for the sake of the Veil, but they could not fill every lonely space within my life."
"I found new ways to practice my art, both literal and mystical, and I did what I could to explore my limitations and test their finality; I was fairly certain I was not the only person capable of what I could do, but I had not yet met anyone apart from the fae who could do some of what I could do, and I could mirror some of their abilities. It was rather difficult to practice some of the more complex aspects of my education because I was used to the ease of magic in the fae realm... But I tried anyway, and I absorbed what I could through trial and error."
"Time passed. People came and went. I was very alone in this world I scarcely felt a part of anymore. Eventually, I found myself drawn by curiosity back to the realm of the fae, and I was almost startled by how much had changed. Dear young Aislin was now the ruler of her kingdom, and she had grown into quite the lady. She remembered me and still felt fondness despite my neglect to keep in contact since my loss, and so I was welcomed back into her courts for a time, though I found little of inspiration save from the creations of dreams that had sprung up over time since my absence. It was another year before I saw Carys' garden for the first time in ages, and I was devastated by the significant changes made to it; it was as though I had lost her all over again. Upset, I left the fae to their realm of dreams and whimsy and returned to my own, and I grieved my loss anew; one would think that after decades a wound like such would have healed, but it was to me as though I was missing the very fire of my soul..."
"I was pushed forward in 1893, near the end of Chicago's World Fair. I know, I made a leap in the story there, but I'm sure you must be getting bored with hearing how lonely I was, and vague mentions of how I experimented with magic and science. You see, this part of the story is interesting, or at least it is to me. I had gone to Chicago's Fair because I had very little else of interest to me, and the Fairs had always been outlets and experiments of creativity for me -would I know the people there? Would someone's invention or theory be based off of a theory I had proposed in one of my supposed fiction novels that escaped the Union's grasps?"
"I was also very curious about one Nikola Tesla, who was in the very early stages of theorizing about 'invisible' radiant energy. This piqued my interest, naturally, as perhaps he was on the verge of where I had been many decades before, at my first Fair in London. He and I spoke briefly, and we had arranged to meet at another time to delve more deeply into this very fragile new theory of his, but it was before that meeting that I felt something drawing significant mystical energy within the city, outside of the confines of the Fair. Being a naturally curious individual, I went to investigate this suction of power... And I found myself on the pavement of a street in Seattle 2011."
"Seattle 2011... What a shock this place came to me. I was speechless for the most part, at first; I was overcome by the alienation and the significant changes to my landscape, to the people of this era... to the tools here. I did not fit in, as you would imagine, and some unfortunately took me to be stark raving mad -they apparently do not believe time travel is possible, though admittedly nor did I. I spent six months in the confines of a psychiatric hospital, where doctors and specialists attempted to convince me that I was, in fact, mad and that I simply needed to take the medicine they offered me and submit to their experiments and sessions until I was 'fixed'. I didn't feel broken, and I knew who and what I was, even if I was unsure of the when and the where. They were undaunted, but I was released without warning and without reason into the care of a charming young gentleman in a suit... His name was Dr. William Barkley, and he claimed to be a unique specialist, hence my release into their care, but he was also like me, a mage or willworker... He at least recognized me for what I was and wished to investigate the matter personally, but what was important to me was that he had freed me from that cell of blandness."
"Adjusting to this era has been a very slow process for me, and I only spent a few months with Dr. Barkley in Seattle before I traveled to Providence. I wish to learn everything, and yet it is fairly overwhelming at the same time. I have many secrets, most of which I keep because no one asks, and I have found it much simpler to understand the world around me when I hold myself to the restrained behavior of both the Buddhists and the ladies of my own era; that is a part of why I behave as I do. In my day, a lady's duty was to be polite and kind, generous and unassuming. It was unseemly to display one's emotions, though one was allowed to state their honest opinion in any company, so long as it could be politely spoken; most often, a lady was expected to entertain guests, and she was trained from an early age that it was her life's duty to be a good wife and to learn how to keep a home and family. A lady was to always be at her very best, aesthetically, emotionally and socially. I was not the best lady when I was younger... I have had time to refine my courtesy and I employ it because it is what I have remaining to me to remind me of home in a place where I am more often lost than comfortable."